Thursdayy she went to the void. tuesday her ashes were brought back. thursday the wake started. I was having exams but i managed to go down a few times everyday till sat morning when i saw her the last time. I had to go off for my exams.
The ash, the bible, the book mark and that white table just there. Quiet and peaceful. Just a few months back she was there. She spoke to me. And now she is gone.
I cry but not tell anyone. I cry and even now, i cry. I cry because i know that her life has been flawless in comparison to many of us. It is 2.56am. 27thFriday. 09. 2 weeks after she left. I am here all alone. Typing memories so when i grow i will remember this very event.
God bless the soul who hears his voice. We oh man are selfish. we oh man are thoughtless.
I have since then picked up who i am, changed who i am and never want to seek to return to my past. May it be placed in a crate tight sealed and left out in the ocean to sink to the depths never to be found again.
Friday, November 27, 2009
We always take for granted the things we do in life. We expect nothing to happen. We expect that life is great. This is the reason for the fall of righteousness. We want to choose who we love. But what happens to those less worthy of looks? Dont they have a heart too? And as that heart beats, the tears fall in the corner of their room. No one knows. We only busy ourselves with what matters to us. We are all selfish people.
11.20am. The buzzer went on.. beeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppp....... Nature went back to where it came from. The soul seeped off to the unknown. So that was her last breath...
The last of the great things she had done.
11.20am. The buzzer went on.. beeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppp....... Nature went back to where it came from. The soul seeped off to the unknown. So that was her last breath...
The last of the great things she had done.
Is she where angels are? Is she where all smiling people are? Is she where she is happy? or, is she in the depths of the unwanted? We are all given the set of time to decide where we want to go. If we make the wrong decisions, we live an eternalty in the life we choose.
She was warded in the ICU in philippines. She bloated slightly and her heart started to go slow. She went in that state peacefully like as tho it was meant to be. This very life that passed world war 2. This very life that saw people tortured.. her last moments drew near. This was to be the last few days of her life.
Then come thursday night, 2.30am Singapore time. The doctors called in emergency. Her heart rate was falling. she might not be able to make it. They needed family members there. The last moments of a great person was to come. The very slow degration of life has arrived. All the great things she had.. who had remembered? all the things she had left behind. The very last key she touched. The very last words she said. The very last scene she saw. The very very last sound she heard. What were they?
She was warded in the ICU in philippines. She bloated slightly and her heart started to go slow. She went in that state peacefully like as tho it was meant to be. This very life that passed world war 2. This very life that saw people tortured.. her last moments drew near. This was to be the last few days of her life.
Then come thursday night, 2.30am Singapore time. The doctors called in emergency. Her heart rate was falling. she might not be able to make it. They needed family members there. The last moments of a great person was to come. The very slow degration of life has arrived. All the great things she had.. who had remembered? all the things she had left behind. The very last key she touched. The very last words she said. The very last scene she saw. The very very last sound she heard. What were they?
about 2 weeks later... i received an sms, she is not feeling well.. pray for her.
days later she entered the hospital. and i never had the chance to speak to her. She was able to breathe, talk and respond. That was her last 2 weeks.
She sat on the bed far frmo all family members. Far from those who never liked her despite her love for those around her. Was it not for love that she protected and wanted to hide the family in her protection?
When they spoke to her, she was unable to reply fast.
eg. Hello
*pause 1-1.5 seconds.
reply: hello
What was in her mind i wonder. What caused the slowing of a human brain and body? The creation of God was starting to return back to earth. Slowly.
days later she entered the hospital. and i never had the chance to speak to her. She was able to breathe, talk and respond. That was her last 2 weeks.
She sat on the bed far frmo all family members. Far from those who never liked her despite her love for those around her. Was it not for love that she protected and wanted to hide the family in her protection?
When they spoke to her, she was unable to reply fast.
eg. Hello
*pause 1-1.5 seconds.
reply: hello
What was in her mind i wonder. What caused the slowing of a human brain and body? The creation of God was starting to return back to earth. Slowly.
When she first went to the philippines, we were all so happy because of the freedom we will get. Coming home with no heavy heart. They had hundreds of maids there to see her and entertain her. That is her last 1 month. The last i ever spoke to her, she was healthy. She answered my call and answered as usual. That voice i beg to never forget. I remembered the things we spoke about.
1) Whether she planted any plants there. She said no.. it was too rocky and they had their own plants.
2) I asked if she cooked their favourite chicken rice.. she said no they had their own cooks.
3) I asked her to take care and drink water. She said alright she will..
4) We ended the call with my dad wanting to speak to her.
where is she i wonder..the life so well lived i find no one capable in the family to hold a candle against her.
It is sometimes just so hard to love those around her until it becomes too late.
1) Whether she planted any plants there. She said no.. it was too rocky and they had their own plants.
2) I asked if she cooked their favourite chicken rice.. she said no they had their own cooks.
3) I asked her to take care and drink water. She said alright she will..
4) We ended the call with my dad wanting to speak to her.
where is she i wonder..the life so well lived i find no one capable in the family to hold a candle against her.
It is sometimes just so hard to love those around her until it becomes too late.
days passed. no one wanted her in their houses. not because we hated her. but because she would ask her to give in to her demands of things we might not be able to easily get. She'd not take no for an answer. Everyone shunned her. what and how did she feel?
The song "gan xie ye shu" plays on the Hifi once every few days. She'd sit there alone, sing to it and praise God. When i look back on those days, waht a gentle joyful soul it was. How she'd just worship God with no regards of those around. Lonely she might be, but she never gave up on God. she would sit at the corner and start tapping joyfully to the song as she sang out loud. those were her last few months.
Once in a while she'd sit there not moving, then calling out to me and telling me she didnt feel well. The problem is that she sometimes make us do things when we cant. So we often hide ourselves from her sight. That soul. The very soul who sat on the family couch. The very soul that sang that song, that very soul that had love for no one else but the family.. that soul is not no longer here.
The song "gan xie ye shu" plays on the Hifi once every few days. She'd sit there alone, sing to it and praise God. When i look back on those days, waht a gentle joyful soul it was. How she'd just worship God with no regards of those around. Lonely she might be, but she never gave up on God. she would sit at the corner and start tapping joyfully to the song as she sang out loud. those were her last few months.
Once in a while she'd sit there not moving, then calling out to me and telling me she didnt feel well. The problem is that she sometimes make us do things when we cant. So we often hide ourselves from her sight. That soul. The very soul who sat on the family couch. The very soul that sang that song, that very soul that had love for no one else but the family.. that soul is not no longer here.
Things have been quite interesting and at the same time confusing.
1) when she died, she left all the money for me. Nothing for my brother. Why? Was it the honor of me to split the riches? But how much should i split? Is he too young to get what was his yet? so many questions left to those who are left behind.
2) For Da Vinci Lovers:
She is liar. She still is. She lies to phone companies, she lies to those whom she speaks to, she lies to the teachers, she lies the banks, she lies non stop. what pride is there in living her life? It doesnt matter to her. Then i wondered why it doesnt matter. The answer came only when i figured why the off spring tried so hard but fell to a life of lie.
Here's why: you live in it. you breathe in it. you see it daily. it no longer becomes a choice. The mind says to stop! but the body and sub consciousness leads to lie. It is the very same feeling when the mind says i need to study, but the body says lets take a break fast. Most are unable to withstand such subconsciousness. She lied. He lied. His He didnt lie, but his he is illiterate and wasnt bothered to know whats happening. He betrayed his his. and then went to school claiming a her caused him to lose his his. Yet his his still prays and remmebers him. Unfaltering care and concern till the last breathe.
3) Before her death, she would sit in front of the tv the whole day. Everyone were pissed with the over long hours of nonstop tv watching. Then at night before she slept if anyone existed in the room besides her, she wwould sigh a long long long sigh...
many times she'd sigh.. then she'd complain its too hot to sleep. Sometimes when i look back on this things that happen in life. I question not just thhe being of a human existance in that very room, but the loneliness of that soul moving within the home. What would be a better place for her? what would be a better setting for her? The very time she came and knocked my door when i had a fever, she said "Go and eat now leh!" I was sick beyond measure. I was irritated as she didnt ask nicely but sounded like she was scolding. I exited the room, faced her as she looked at me with her left leg injured. I remember the words i said. I said in chinese: "Can you please not scold me. I am already sick." She went back to the room. She cried.
1) when she died, she left all the money for me. Nothing for my brother. Why? Was it the honor of me to split the riches? But how much should i split? Is he too young to get what was his yet? so many questions left to those who are left behind.
2) For Da Vinci Lovers:
She is liar. She still is. She lies to phone companies, she lies to those whom she speaks to, she lies to the teachers, she lies the banks, she lies non stop. what pride is there in living her life? It doesnt matter to her. Then i wondered why it doesnt matter. The answer came only when i figured why the off spring tried so hard but fell to a life of lie.
Here's why: you live in it. you breathe in it. you see it daily. it no longer becomes a choice. The mind says to stop! but the body and sub consciousness leads to lie. It is the very same feeling when the mind says i need to study, but the body says lets take a break fast. Most are unable to withstand such subconsciousness. She lied. He lied. His He didnt lie, but his he is illiterate and wasnt bothered to know whats happening. He betrayed his his. and then went to school claiming a her caused him to lose his his. Yet his his still prays and remmebers him. Unfaltering care and concern till the last breathe.
3) Before her death, she would sit in front of the tv the whole day. Everyone were pissed with the over long hours of nonstop tv watching. Then at night before she slept if anyone existed in the room besides her, she wwould sigh a long long long sigh...
many times she'd sigh.. then she'd complain its too hot to sleep. Sometimes when i look back on this things that happen in life. I question not just thhe being of a human existance in that very room, but the loneliness of that soul moving within the home. What would be a better place for her? what would be a better setting for her? The very time she came and knocked my door when i had a fever, she said "Go and eat now leh!" I was sick beyond measure. I was irritated as she didnt ask nicely but sounded like she was scolding. I exited the room, faced her as she looked at me with her left leg injured. I remember the words i said. I said in chinese: "Can you please not scold me. I am already sick." She went back to the room. She cried.
Friday, November 20, 2009
on her death bed she lay.
her grand child far away.
at the arcade and shopping centres he went.
A great life i have he'd bluff his friends.
To blame, he would, his greatest forte.
I tongue of lies overwhelmed him.
Dirty and useless now he is,
but still to heaven i'll go he insist.
His friends thought all but him is telling the truth,
hence to all else they shut their ears.
What a F**King Liar you are they say,
but the truth lies in the belly of the beast.
The liar is but the one closest to them.
His tracks seem covered but judgement will soon come.
by then its stupid to think all is good.
For there before God he'll stand.
No blessings i render to him.
nothing but a kick and a shudder of filth he'll get from me.
beyond that the one whom is called grace,
is the worst of all human race.
Woe to her. Woe to her.
May nothing good and willing approach her.
Not even the insects will pardon her.
Her face, her eyes, her throat, her heart
will degrade and cause he so much agony and pain.
Until he returns to where he must be.
Otherwise she will continue to be nothing more than it.
her grand child far away.
at the arcade and shopping centres he went.
A great life i have he'd bluff his friends.
To blame, he would, his greatest forte.
I tongue of lies overwhelmed him.
Dirty and useless now he is,
but still to heaven i'll go he insist.
His friends thought all but him is telling the truth,
hence to all else they shut their ears.
What a F**King Liar you are they say,
but the truth lies in the belly of the beast.
The liar is but the one closest to them.
His tracks seem covered but judgement will soon come.
by then its stupid to think all is good.
For there before God he'll stand.
No blessings i render to him.
nothing but a kick and a shudder of filth he'll get from me.
beyond that the one whom is called grace,
is the worst of all human race.
Woe to her. Woe to her.
May nothing good and willing approach her.
Not even the insects will pardon her.
Her face, her eyes, her throat, her heart
will degrade and cause he so much agony and pain.
Until he returns to where he must be.
Otherwise she will continue to be nothing more than it.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Yesterday an angel came to me. Then my brother appeared before my eyes. The angel spoke without him knowing. He was facing away from me. The angel spoke and said "now is your time. its in your command as it was since the first day. So be gone and he will be gone. He has hurt you so much. lied so much. cheated so much. now is your chance for you are given the chance now to diminish him from this world."
I looked at the angel then looked back at him. He was different. No longer was there joy in his eyes. No longer was there passion for God. No longer was there any desire for any right which normal people would cherish. I looked then at my hands and i saw a knife. not a knife i had seen before. It looked different. It had a handle distinctly embroidered with designs which must have taken years to craft. I looked up again. The angel stood on right. while he stood in front me, back facing me.
The voice again " you have the power to decide now"
at that moment i knew in my heart the hurt that has since then existed. I knew everything he had done wrong against God and even the world, the people he had cheated. But i looked down at my hands, placed the knife down and whispered to the angel what i think is weakness from my heart. "I wont do it." i said. "no matter what had happened, the fact doesnt change. he is still my brother." I repeated it a few times.everything then became quite blurred to me. But this is what i recall. Then the angel spoke once again "you have understood. Good.. you have understood." then the angel gently left. I looked around and there was no one around. I was tired.. I laid down and slept.
Tell me why does it have to be like this
Tell me why. is there something i have missed
Tell me why. I dont understand
Tell me why.
I looked at the angel then looked back at him. He was different. No longer was there joy in his eyes. No longer was there passion for God. No longer was there any desire for any right which normal people would cherish. I looked then at my hands and i saw a knife. not a knife i had seen before. It looked different. It had a handle distinctly embroidered with designs which must have taken years to craft. I looked up again. The angel stood on right. while he stood in front me, back facing me.
The voice again " you have the power to decide now"
at that moment i knew in my heart the hurt that has since then existed. I knew everything he had done wrong against God and even the world, the people he had cheated. But i looked down at my hands, placed the knife down and whispered to the angel what i think is weakness from my heart. "I wont do it." i said. "no matter what had happened, the fact doesnt change. he is still my brother." I repeated it a few times.everything then became quite blurred to me. But this is what i recall. Then the angel spoke once again "you have understood. Good.. you have understood." then the angel gently left. I looked around and there was no one around. I was tired.. I laid down and slept.
Tell me why does it have to be like this
Tell me why. is there something i have missed
Tell me why. I dont understand
Tell me why.
who is that girl i saw
Who is that girl i met in my dreams.. How she came and step on my shoe. Who is she who faced away from me. then her heart was left where i sat. She spoke in a tone so peaceful and kind. who is she. Will she return? The only thing left is the passion that was reinstated.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Today i dreamt about someone.. well thats nothing special.. but whats weird is later a friend of mine told me she dreamt of the same persoN! So i was quiet alone with my work when she msged me i dreamt of him! OMG -.-.. how can we both dream of the same person on the same day at the same time?
Anyway my dream was something that faltered the rate of my heart beat. I saw a scarred face later through the day as i thought of the promises and commands made by God. How far can man run in ignorance despite knowing the wrath and yes of course the love of God?
I just feel sad for those who blatantly dismiss the presence of God due to the pressure of man. The lack of faith in the one I trust most..
Anyway my dream was something that faltered the rate of my heart beat. I saw a scarred face later through the day as i thought of the promises and commands made by God. How far can man run in ignorance despite knowing the wrath and yes of course the love of God?
I just feel sad for those who blatantly dismiss the presence of God due to the pressure of man. The lack of faith in the one I trust most..
Sunday, November 8, 2009
A new site with so much happening
Man.. i've gotta concentrate.. either work is getting too easy for me or i am slacking way toooo much.. I think its the former. With no worries and no external stress i'm going about playing and accomplishing my work faster than before YAY ME! "as london tipton from suite life of zack and cody would say." hAve a great day world. I need sleep! Its 1:11am!
check out this nice site: www.hidden-street-magic.weebly.com
check out this nice site: www.hidden-street-magic.weebly.com
Friday, November 6, 2009
Kerlynn Kerlynn (: every so funny.. wei improve your english! My gosh your post have so many wrong grammar and spelling mistakes the teacher would have ran out of red ink marking it! (: haha.. joking..
anyway i hope things are going great for you.. Please teach me how to link to you. i am still trying.. cant figure yet.
Tmr gonna have a long day. Aiming to end everything by 12am. But it seems that time rushes forth too readily.
Today i mugged in school the whole day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but cant solve the questions.. then these bunch of students came in and ask me.. erm.. do you know what must we do? i was like.. erm.. seriously no.. then i realised i might have just been trying to act busy? haha nah i was really busy! racking my brains. I need money for school books. sigh!
anyway i hope things are going great for you.. Please teach me how to link to you. i am still trying.. cant figure yet.
Tmr gonna have a long day. Aiming to end everything by 12am. But it seems that time rushes forth too readily.
Today i mugged in school the whole day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but cant solve the questions.. then these bunch of students came in and ask me.. erm.. do you know what must we do? i was like.. erm.. seriously no.. then i realised i might have just been trying to act busy? haha nah i was really busy! racking my brains. I need money for school books. sigh!
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