unchanging path; whts your next move?

cant explain my feelings

2010-04-16T01:55:00.000+08:00

I am sad.. I dont know how others can just love a person and yet not have a grave desire to meet etc. I just dont know how...

It's not like i havent tried. I try at times to just let things be.. you say you wanna be with friends. So i try to just allow... But deep within me.. its somethings hard. I cant explain why... the heart just says."I wanna meet you" Just to chat etc...

tho i study so much in to psychology. I guess my own psychology is the toughest to understand. Its way weird compared to everyyone else.

Take eg.. if i know someting is wrong. I am able to entirely ensure i dont do it. I am able to totally shut it out. I might do wrong to everyone else on earth.. but when it comes to you, everything right is done. I dont bluff, lie or hurt you. and when you're hurt... ii feel like some knife across my heart. Too sentimental? I dont know... and then now... sigh.. too much on my mind. i cant sleep. later have test... I want to do well.. i will do well.. but i want to know how after that...

Sometimes i am afraid to let you just go off with friends.. of course i know how to evaluate if tehre is a certain amt of risk.. Friday is not a big risk.. but sat is.. yes i allow both.. why?? I want you to know despite the risk, i trust you.. believe me... its totally not easy for me to let you go off like that... its very very very hard... yet i trust, yet i believe.

I dont know how else to express myself.. i just type everything out here. If tehre is one thing i can show you, i really want you to see how much love i have for you.. then, understand why and reciprocate.
A good future awaits..

I love you. I need confidence

2010-04-07T12:47:00.000+08:00

i trust you.. i really do. i want to share with you something.. something in me.. i have a phobia.. it is so bad i deemed to have ended the life of the old me and start a new.

I am just so afraid of seeing another betrayal case. Another selfish case. another case where someone is innocently falling in to a trap that leads to eternal death. If one knows he would fall, would he still want to fall? No.. and exactly.. there have been many smart people who knew they didnt want to fall, but ended up falling because they did not put in priority the right things in mind.

suppose you know a lion eats humans. Would you still want to linger around inside a lion's den?
That exactly is the same issue everyone faces. written in the bible too..

There has always been one thing i want to share with you. cus i think its significant to me.. and i will share it with you today.. I want to share... how my name came about.

2 secrets i have. 1) why i changed my name 2) why the name was chosen/thought of.
These 2, i wish to tell to you. and in this way everything of me is completely in you. Nothing of me is untold to you..

I need confidence. I really do..7-8 years.. that amount of phobia and hurt.. that is why. now all i want is to concentrate on us.

**just some memories for the future**
your pic in my wallet. why is it there? what significance does it play? (: I open it everytime i need money or cash etc. I dont care who sees it or waht they think.. cus whats more important is the joy i get in my heart just seeing you and being with you.
The work of God is so complete. Sometimes too complete. Sometimes too much for us to bear. But i hope we'd hold on each other and keep moving on.

I still remember fondly how 2 weeks back you told me right in my eyes, "i love you". and just a few days back, easter sunday, you held my hand and moved your finger over my skin, loving me.. at least i felt loved.
I may sound really lovey dovey.. but thats what i have learnt from Christ. The greatest of all is love.
It is something we can never buy. and i know unless we both put in our logic and understanding, we will not find this kind of love anywhere else on earth.

I wont be deceived.. you too... please dont. (:

2010-04-07T11:34:00.000+08:00

I am figuring that facebook wall deletes old post. So i figure i'll put some of the meaningful or historically meaningful post here for viewing in future.

i thought all was fine until a phrase removed all certainty from me. its probably time to rest
March 22 at 7:00pm

it is never anything i do that matters
March 22 at 7:37pm

making a complex decision. (:March 27 at 6:13pm ·

master 75% hero 57% whoooooooooooooo.... (:

We dont decide based on life now. We consider the future.. we decide based on questions such as: who'd be there if i lose my limbs? who'd be there if i am stuck to a machine? who'd be there when everyone else disagrees with me? who will always be there whether fun or sad times? In 2 years time, when my muscles and ...bones start feeling weak, who will be there for me (: and then we make the right decision (:

after watching ninja videos like Naruto, i learn to run with my arms diagonally to my sides during sports day.

the second person you meet in heaven

2010-03-16T01:05:00.000+08:00

I continued in the mist but soon felt bored and tired. I thought, there is nothing to sit on. I shall sit on the ground.

It must have been hours past. i was awoken by a questioning voice. I strained my ears and heard 'haiz haiz haiz.' the voice continued like from a person crazy in deep thought.

I sat up and looked around me. All mist... I should try to see who this voice belongs to.

haiz haiz haiz... the voice continued.

Hey kenneth! i calleed out, seeing kenneth standing and facing to i dont knnow where.. just facing front.
Kenneth what are you thinking about? I asked..

No reply came except the sighing sound.. haiz haiz haiz. I should have listened. I should have listened. food. party. death. haiz haiz haiz.. this was all he said.

after some time, i turned and left..heading out to no where. just walking on to see what will happen next.

could this be the first person you meet in heaven?

2010-03-16T00:58:00.000+08:00

'Hey Malcolm how has life been for you?' I asked while sitting on a rock. Malcolm sat on the grass just glancing down. 'Since the last time we met, i have done things i dare not speak about.

'Hmm.. dare i ask what they are?' I asked with a mind full of wonder.
'the form of sin that leads to the heaviest penalty of sin.' malcolm said, now moving his hands across the surface of the grass.

Then he told me his life story. when i was young, i thought life was all about myself. I thought as long as i had a life of fun and had someone to love, life would be good. remember Sgt Lionel? The one i told you about while he played at the street soccer court. He was one i looked up to. But as i grew i realised he was concerned only over his own interest. Then i met Shin Wei and i tot i met a trustable person. Similarly.. he was all about tennis. all about playing and having fun with himself. I just couldnt trust that many people i told myself. but stupidly i went on trusting people.

when i was in poly, i tot i could start life a new. New friends. in a mixed gender society. I placed my guard down. I thought it would be fun. but life turned out worst than i could imagine. Then, you spoke to me online. I know. I just felt too bored with life to answer you... Malcolm then paused...he then started crying.

Now, years in to where i am, i regret who i am. My life is such a fail. I cannot even say i am a christian. I cannot even claim to be anyone who loves God. Till death, i thought i could wait to the last minute before setting my life right. but sigh.....

it happened all too fast. I tried to grasp my life line. Before i could do anything, it was gone. I took my last breathe and all history of my life flashed before me. So vivid.. and now i am here everyday waiting for death.

Jesus warned the nations. but we rarely take heed. Now i am doomed. what should i do. what should i do?

As Malcolm continued crying, i knew i could do no more. I pat him on the back and felt the urge to move on. A spirit called out to me and i went towards it. The sobs of Malcolm diminished in to the distance. I heard him no more.

2009-11-27T02:58:00.000+08:00

Thursdayy she went to the void. tuesday her ashes were brought back. thursday the wake started. I was having exams but i managed to go down a few times everyday till sat morning when i saw her the last time. I had to go off for my exams.

The ash, the bible, the book mark and that white table just there. Quiet and peaceful. Just a few months back she was there. She spoke to me. And now she is gone.

I cry but not tell anyone. I cry and even now, i cry. I cry because i know that her life has been flawless in comparison to many of us. It is 2.56am. 27thFriday. 09. 2 weeks after she left. I am here all alone. Typing memories so when i grow i will remember this very event.

God bless the soul who hears his voice. We oh man are selfish. we oh man are thoughtless.

I have since then picked up who i am, changed who i am and never want to seek to return to my past. May it be placed in a crate tight sealed and left out in the ocean to sink to the depths never to be found again.

2009-11-27T02:52:00.000+08:00

We always take for granted the things we do in life. We expect nothing to happen. We expect that life is great. This is the reason for the fall of righteousness. We want to choose who we love. But what happens to those less worthy of looks? Dont they have a heart too? And as that heart beats, the tears fall in the corner of their room. No one knows. We only busy ourselves with what matters to us. We are all selfish people.

11.20am. The buzzer went on.. beeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppp....... Nature went back to where it came from. The soul seeped off to the unknown. So that was her last breath...

The last of the great things she had done.

2009-11-27T02:50:00.000+08:00

Is she where angels are? Is she where all smiling people are? Is she where she is happy? or, is she in the depths of the unwanted? We are all given the set of time to decide where we want to go. If we make the wrong decisions, we live an eternalty in the life we choose.

She was warded in the ICU in philippines. She bloated slightly and her heart started to go slow. She went in that state peacefully like as tho it was meant to be. This very life that passed world war 2. This very life that saw people tortured.. her last moments drew near. This was to be the last few days of her life.

Then come thursday night, 2.30am Singapore time. The doctors called in emergency. Her heart rate was falling. she might not be able to make it. They needed family members there. The last moments of a great person was to come. The very slow degration of life has arrived. All the great things she had.. who had remembered? all the things she had left behind. The very last key she touched. The very last words she said. The very last scene she saw. The very very last sound she heard. What were they?

2009-11-27T02:43:00.000+08:00

about 2 weeks later... i received an sms, she is not feeling well.. pray for her.

days later she entered the hospital. and i never had the chance to speak to her. She was able to breathe, talk and respond. That was her last 2 weeks.

She sat on the bed far frmo all family members. Far from those who never liked her despite her love for those around her. Was it not for love that she protected and wanted to hide the family in her protection?

When they spoke to her, she was unable to reply fast.

eg. Hello
*pause 1-1.5 seconds.
reply: hello

What was in her mind i wonder. What caused the slowing of a human brain and body? The creation of God was starting to return back to earth. Slowly.

2009-11-27T02:39:00.000+08:00

When she first went to the philippines, we were all so happy because of the freedom we will get. Coming home with no heavy heart. They had hundreds of maids there to see her and entertain her. That is her last 1 month. The last i ever spoke to her, she was healthy. She answered my call and answered as usual. That voice i beg to never forget. I remembered the things we spoke about.

1) Whether she planted any plants there. She said no.. it was too rocky and they had their own plants.
2) I asked if she cooked their favourite chicken rice.. she said no they had their own cooks.
3) I asked her to take care and drink water. She said alright she will..
4) We ended the call with my dad wanting to speak to her.

where is she i wonder..the life so well lived i find no one capable in the family to hold a candle against her.

It is sometimes just so hard to love those around her until it becomes too late.

2009-11-27T02:32:00.000+08:00

days passed. no one wanted her in their houses. not because we hated her. but because she would ask her to give in to her demands of things we might not be able to easily get. She'd not take no for an answer. Everyone shunned her. what and how did she feel?

The song "gan xie ye shu" plays on the Hifi once every few days. She'd sit there alone, sing to it and praise God. When i look back on those days, waht a gentle joyful soul it was. How she'd just worship God with no regards of those around. Lonely she might be, but she never gave up on God. she would sit at the corner and start tapping joyfully to the song as she sang out loud. those were her last few months.

Once in a while she'd sit there not moving, then calling out to me and telling me she didnt feel well. The problem is that she sometimes make us do things when we cant. So we often hide ourselves from her sight. That soul. The very soul who sat on the family couch. The very soul that sang that song, that very soul that had love for no one else but the family.. that soul is not no longer here.

2009-11-27T02:27:00.000+08:00

Things have been quite interesting and at the same time confusing.
1) when she died, she left all the money for me. Nothing for my brother. Why? Was it the honor of me to split the riches? But how much should i split? Is he too young to get what was his yet? so many questions left to those who are left behind.

2) For Da Vinci Lovers:
She is liar. She still is. She lies to phone companies, she lies to those whom she speaks to, she lies to the teachers, she lies the banks, she lies non stop. what pride is there in living her life? It doesnt matter to her. Then i wondered why it doesnt matter. The answer came only when i figured why the off spring tried so hard but fell to a life of lie.

Here's why: you live in it. you breathe in it. you see it daily. it no longer becomes a choice. The mind says to stop! but the body and sub consciousness leads to lie. It is the very same feeling when the mind says i need to study, but the body says lets take a break fast. Most are unable to withstand such subconsciousness. She lied. He lied. His He didnt lie, but his he is illiterate and wasnt bothered to know whats happening. He betrayed his his. and then went to school claiming a her caused him to lose his his. Yet his his still prays and remmebers him. Unfaltering care and concern till the last breathe.

3) Before her death, she would sit in front of the tv the whole day. Everyone were pissed with the over long hours of nonstop tv watching. Then at night before she slept if anyone existed in the room besides her, she wwould sigh a long long long sigh...

many times she'd sigh.. then she'd complain its too hot to sleep. Sometimes when i look back on this things that happen in life. I question not just thhe being of a human existance in that very room, but the loneliness of that soul moving within the home. What would be a better place for her? what would be a better setting for her? The very time she came and knocked my door when i had a fever, she said "Go and eat now leh!" I was sick beyond measure. I was irritated as she didnt ask nicely but sounded like she was scolding. I exited the room, faced her as she looked at me with her left leg injured. I remember the words i said. I said in chinese: "Can you please not scold me. I am already sick." She went back to the room. She cried.

2009-11-20T02:46:00.000+08:00

on her death bed she lay.
her grand child far away.
at the arcade and shopping centres he went.
A great life i have he'd bluff his friends.

To blame, he would, his greatest forte.
I tongue of lies overwhelmed him.
Dirty and useless now he is,
but still to heaven i'll go he insist.

His friends thought all but him is telling the truth,
hence to all else they shut their ears.
What a F**King Liar you are they say,
but the truth lies in the belly of the beast.

The liar is but the one closest to them.
His tracks seem covered but judgement will soon come.
by then its stupid to think all is good.
For there before God he'll stand.

No blessings i render to him.
nothing but a kick and a shudder of filth he'll get from me.
beyond that the one whom is called grace,
is the worst of all human race.

Woe to her. Woe to her.
May nothing good and willing approach her.
Not even the insects will pardon her.
Her face, her eyes, her throat, her heart
will degrade and cause he so much agony and pain.

Until he returns to where he must be.
Otherwise she will continue to be nothing more than it.

2009-11-10T15:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday an angel came to me. Then my brother appeared before my eyes. The angel spoke without him knowing. He was facing away from me. The angel spoke and said "now is your time. its in your command as it was since the first day. So be gone and he will be gone. He has hurt you so much. lied so much. cheated so much. now is your chance for you are given the chance now to diminish him from this world."

I looked at the angel then looked back at him. He was different. No longer was there joy in his eyes. No longer was there passion for God. No longer was there any desire for any right which normal people would cherish. I looked then at my hands and i saw a knife. not a knife i had seen before. It looked different. It had a handle distinctly embroidered with designs which must have taken years to craft. I looked up again. The angel stood on right. while he stood in front me, back facing me.

The voice again " you have the power to decide now"

at that moment i knew in my heart the hurt that has since then existed. I knew everything he had done wrong against God and even the world, the people he had cheated. But i looked down at my hands, placed the knife down and whispered to the angel what i think is weakness from my heart. "I wont do it." i said. "no matter what had happened, the fact doesnt change. he is still my brother." I repeated it a few times.everything then became quite blurred to me. But this is what i recall. Then the angel spoke once again "you have understood. Good.. you have understood." then the angel gently left. I looked around and there was no one around. I was tired.. I laid down and slept.

Tell me why does it have to be like this
Tell me why. is there something i have missed
Tell me why. I dont understand
Tell me why.

who is that girl i saw

2009-11-10T15:22:00.001+08:00

Who is that girl i met in my dreams.. How she came and step on my shoe. Who is she who faced away from me. then her heart was left where i sat. She spoke in a tone so peaceful and kind. who is she. Will she return? The only thing left is the passion that was reinstated.

2009-11-09T01:34:00.000+08:00

Today i dreamt about someone.. well thats nothing special.. but whats weird is later a friend of mine told me she dreamt of the same persoN! So i was quiet alone with my work when she msged me i dreamt of him! OMG -.-.. how can we both dream of the same person on the same day at the same time?

Anyway my dream was something that faltered the rate of my heart beat. I saw a scarred face later through the day as i thought of the promises and commands made by God. How far can man run in ignorance despite knowing the wrath and yes of course the love of God?

I just feel sad for those who blatantly dismiss the presence of God due to the pressure of man. The lack of faith in the one I trust most..

A new site with so much happening

2009-11-08T01:12:00.000+08:00

Man.. i've gotta concentrate.. either work is getting too easy for me or i am slacking way toooo much.. I think its the former. With no worries and no external stress i'm going about playing and accomplishing my work faster than before YAY ME! "as london tipton from suite life of zack and cody would say." hAve a great day world. I need sleep! Its 1:11am!

check out this nice site: www.hidden-street-magic.weebly.com

2009-11-06T00:16:00.000+08:00

Kerlynn Kerlynn (: every so funny.. wei improve your english! My gosh your post have so many wrong grammar and spelling mistakes the teacher would have ran out of red ink marking it! (: haha.. joking..

anyway i hope things are going great for you.. Please teach me how to link to you. i am still trying.. cant figure yet.

Tmr gonna have a long day. Aiming to end everything by 12am. But it seems that time rushes forth too readily.

Today i mugged in school the whole day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but cant solve the questions.. then these bunch of students came in and ask me.. erm.. do you know what must we do? i was like.. erm.. seriously no.. then i realised i might have just been trying to act busy? haha nah i was really busy! racking my brains. I need money for school books. sigh!

2009-10-23T08:58:00.000+08:00

now.. in school (: steal time to use blogspot.

kae.. days been so tiring. slept at 4am 3 nights back cus cant finish homework.. hai yo.. singapore mugging nation.

Met markCher and claRence on tues to pass them underground magic effect. Wha.. so;me shop tried to sell them $100 for this effect.

then yesterday (thurs) met Justina from Cresent gals sec. new magician but seem to know quite a lot of new effects.

tmr i'm gonna try change leagues to bikes.

Ok i'm going back to sleep before lesson starts.

(:

2009-10-18T14:20:00.000+08:00

Spate of recent events have been occuring and many of you ask me to explain what caused the death of a person so close to me.

Here's my reply to all of you. It is also something which i have uncovered recently.

The greatest weakness of the one who torments her is the lack in trust and believe in the one who loved him most. In a world of confusion, he who cheated naturally became suspicious that the other party was cheating. The focus on suspicion rather than the actual desiring ahrdwork around, lead to the great fall of a supposed realistic eternal relation.

The tormentor then confirms his thoughts with the relation he assumes his buddy has with another, but little was thought of the reciprocate of the reality, that his closest one was infact planting a bug in the tormented to ensure the safety of the tormentor.

=====================
period.. if you have no idea what the above is about,dont worry.. its mainly for those why really knew what happened to me for the past 3 years? yeah..

anyway.. life has been stressful..very..
and there's andrew whom i told i was too busy to chat and he called me and said i needed a rest.
Its beyond me..sorry.
I'm sleeping 2-6am each day.. talk more and it'll shorten my sleep.
====================
there's this school student who called me complaining about some guy in school who is spreading blatant insulting news about her..I wish i could approach this guy who is such a pain in the ***.. seriously.. cus i know the truth and i know this guy is lying so much to get his way.. and yeah.. he's been lying so much for years, so he's really good at it.. his friends buy his lies.. so poor girl..

anyway hope things get better (:

2009-10-14T00:54:00.002+08:00

An equal fight has been established (:

right.. monday had some e test which i studied for 3 days and i just passed! :(
but alright.. many ppl failed. If i'm not wrong only 1 person got 70, 1 got 80 2 got 50 and the rest got 40 and 30s.

today went bank.. sat for 1 hour plus! Got some new thing to make money grow.
Hmm.. not much growth.. but decide to just put in some money in to let it grow.
right.. been tiredly studying and so gonna sleep now//

2009-10-13T08:49:00.001+08:00

short post:
Please clean your booger when you're going out of house.
Please visit toilets or at least find some way to check during meal times if there's booger in ur nose!

K.. hope this msg reaches everyone even those i dont know.. for singaporeans.. booger means.. nose dirt..hokkien = pee sai.

yah..once in a while need to remind ppl to clean up nia. wonder why ppl dun quite care if their nose is filled with dirt..isnt it hard to breathe?

2009-10-11T23:09:00.002+08:00

A post random as may be to those who dont know me for more than 4 years..

I've been thinking..
on my last event, ive been thinking that of all the world i've finally found the dumbest of its kind. But i cant blame it. it wasnt of natural marriage that hence was born. Unnatural births have always had lots of contemplation on them doing and functioning just as well as others.

This time, i had the great privilege to work with one of such sort.
1) cant remember things which are explained even tho you explain more than 2 years repeatedly daily.
2) can remember a location even if its been seen around 10 of more times.
3) Doesnt have a mind on ones own.
4) due to (3), characteristic and attitude is a direct clone of the parent.
5) (4) implies that the parent had shot gun. means cocked up and unright attitude. so implies ones attitude to be cocked up too.
6) doesnt know basic skills like observing where things are placed. (similar to 1 and 2)

k i need study lia0 tmr exam (:

chaos..everyone should have a good rest..

2009-10-11T22:59:00.002+08:00

3 more to make a win (: the one who guess win what right will get a free KFC meal (:

kae.. with so many ppl filling my mail box asking me to make a comparison on the schools.. i'm here to post! BUTTTTTTTTTTT.. not on the schools..

heres to comment on the recent PSLE math paper.. news been spreading..
1) students cry
2) parents complain

my take on this issue:
1) If you're wanting calculators and yet the difficulty level unchanged; oh please.. get real! infact recently a Pri 6 girl when asked by me: whats 12+6, she had to search her bag for a calculator to solve it.. haha.. and she aint some EM3 student.. what are we going towards these days?

2) If you're thinking its the end of the world; please go learn on a bell curve in math. cus students in psle are graded based on a bell curve. It really doesnt matter how hard the paper is, the better students will still score better than those who arent that good.. -.-""

sigh.. i am certain these parents are singaporeans.. cant be overseas ppl.. for one reason.. the current generation of parents come from the USA WANNABE generation.. so they think that speaking up is what needs to be done. added with their seriously over enthusiastic singaporean nature of kiasu 'must be first thinking', they end up complaining without thinking.

You see thats one problem with many people. We tend to think wow.. USA ppl do this.. we must follow.. but hey.. USA ppl arent that critical over issue on studies or petty issues.. so effectively if you want to adopt their style, at least do it correctly! *peace.. (:

2009-10-10T18:53:00.002+08:00

Check out the schools in Singapore schools today, yesterday and many days past (:

schools we'd compare:
1) St Andrew's Secondary
2) presbyterian high
3) Monfort school
4) Mayflower Secondary
5) NUS High school
-> kae later.. dinner nw byes

2009-10-10T18:36:00.002+08:00

hitting up the 1st blog. (:

Life's been great.. great or maybe i'm just lying to myself?
Recently been up and about in magic again.. nothing that new.. but the new stuff are cool with some overly cool yet costly effects.

Lots of flash backs of what have been spoken to me before keep coming to me.. Its like a voice not letting me get away with ignoring God. Darn it! But i'll give a fair consideration on this issue. I think its pretty straight forward.. if its true its true.. if not true then not true.. i dont want to run after religion just because it makes me feel good.

Feel the world.. make it a better place. For you and for me and the entire human race.
There are ppl dying. what are we doing!?

Everyday i'm seeing so many issues of A like B, B like C and A try to stop B from being with C. lols.. i could try writing a thesis on whether its possible for people not to get involved in such issues.

Right.. been studying whole day.. now break. dinner, study again. monday exam! :'( lols.. actually loving exams.. just hate the outcome of it! unless i do well DUH! haha

I'm thinking of a code name for the latest pain in my heart. The good news if that its not ended.. A higher order is at work and it will take years.. i'll have to wait. The bad news is it HURTS! >:(

kae.. whats new.. the trend!
Trend changes in words (approx)..
15 years back: hey hello how are you.. haha nevermind be back later bla bla i love you =( what?
10 years back: heyss! helos! hw r u? lol.. nvm brb afk noob lor/loh/liao i love you! :( wat?
05 years back: heyys! helos! hiiiiii.. hw arre euu? lools.. nvm brb luhh luh iee lurb you! :((( whad?
00 years back: hiiiii.. heloooooo.. haha hoho.. nvm luhh i love you T^T wad?

The winner of the lamest contest isssssssssssssssssssss.................................... T^T <- haha.. its sooooo off! its suppose to mean sad face.. but the eyes, the nose etc just so dont look like it..

The longest contestant award is i love you! <- its been around for 20 years with little variation..

Next.. i'll post some comments on some schools around Singapore.. sneak peak of whats good and not good. (:

just for nicole

2009-10-07T22:04:00.002+08:00

niCOle.. you know my fav names are COLE and BAILEY !! (:

hey.. heres to abait the lag on your poddy.

here's the clearer interpretation to: yah.. ok let me say this to you.. no normal dog which you wack will shut its mouth till it dies (:

Explanation:
1)in simplier form... nature is nature.. its not how much you do, but from the sign of things, you can guess the outcome without trying.

2) example.. someone loves to murder people.. its not whether kenneth can make possible of the impossible.. the second you try to meet him to ask him not to kill others, he kills you and you're dead..t hen he goes about killing others.. it doesnt stop..

3) the main problem in secondary school which students just dun understand.. is that in secondary, every one thinks that boys think the same as girls.. or at least SIMILAR.. which iis the big problem.. haha. guys start to walk manly.. or start to walk straight etc.. (some guys la ) thinking thhat girls like it.. cus a guy would love to see a girl doing ncie things etc.. but what impress a girl is not that.. and hence no matter what a guy does, the girl is not impressed.
then the guy ask her friends how to impress her. but still doesnt work.. why?? cus ok.. if you see a guy setting a bike on flames you'd prob cheer.. but if you see a girl do it.. you're like WTH.. wha.. alot of guts lor.. So its different.

when you do wat her friends tell you can impress her, it still doesnt work.. cus you're a guy not a girl.. explain very clear to you liao

haha
and psychology tells me that a male psychology will still insist on trying and not giving up.. so.. haha.. all the best luhh (:

2009-10-06T23:29:00.003+08:00

the sleeping of time
vanishes at the blink of ones eye
the last breath
sees no good bye

as the sands slip thru the dowsing wind
the sound of not one whistle is heard
alone in the vast space
flying endlessly like a huge bird

another day passes
another hour is gone
creases on our faces appear
like vines in the valleys

nothing stands
nothing exist
nothing anymore
I am absorbed to the darkness of this lonely world.
------------------------

last nite sleep so late doing some homework.. graded! then during lesson some china guy stood up and solved the whole question using a method unknown to us. maybe he felt he was smart.
I really think he is such a jerk. Isn't a practice session suppose to practice something we learnt?

Today went to find neg. ion generator. couldnt get it.. why are things in singapore so hard to find? Anyway, went to betty, showed her my magix box thingy.. she compared and for once alice actually listened to me to shut that box and not let ppl man handle the box. anyway.. mr goh called again. what an annoying time i had. once again he could hear nothing but the blast of an emergency bell! Then kept trying to sell me so many things.. keep saying $150. Does he think i am working or what!? Havnet i told him that i am not even willing to spend more than $100 for anything!? yet the box he wanted to sell wont go below $190. k.. am annoyed.. just getting it for wo de nicole.. (haha.. hey nicole.. i've got like ppl asking me if you're my girlfriend.. haha. k.. dun worry told them you're a GUY! haha.. MAN! haha.. very MAN de.. actually they read your tag to me then say the way you reply is how a girl reply xD so not my fault! dun worry la. i know you guy can le)

then kerlynn just msged me..complain tones of things.. life's choices are mounted on horses which we control. (: hope that speaks to you. Thanks for actively tagging and adding..and bringing life to my msn, phone and blog..

then have zack.. seem to talk little these days nia.. but a fine friend he is. Infact, if there is one person you'd ask me to trust.. i'd say no one but him.. he shared with me a thought weeks back.. he said something like "you learn you can never trust anyone" how right he is.. the failures i have in life have always been due to too much trust and believe in people. Believing in those whom their parents, siblings, school mates look down on. I always believed they would be able to stand one day, look back and be proud of their achievements. I always believed they would in all i have done, stand for whats right and help me when i needed help.. but experiences have brought me to conclude that "they are a generation saying, yes i will definitely stand for whats right." but when tough times come, they fall faster than the river waters in the world.

then have josh.. had a nice chat with him..suddenly was an accident near my window.. was shocked.. this girl had her body..eww.. k.. skip this part.. but josh tag so little so.. i gonna not say anything to him now! hahaha :P post more then hear more k? (:

ok the night is abrewing. I shall retreat to my comforts. May the day be blessful and blissful to all of you.

2009-10-06T18:38:00.001+08:00

am a useless no body living in a world of so many bodies. (:

2009-10-05T23:53:00.003+08:00

i realise my heart is fused with many codes. Inner security locks chained, tied, melted and fused to form an unbroken link. not one acid will unleash the least of the locks. Waiting all for one day when the light shines back on my face. When glory and honor means something in the lives of those whom we pass.
is the name of the song! listen. cus this post is made with sentiments matching that song.

today met nicole again. Was kinda fun.. was kinda shocked when he (cant say she le.. nicole kao pei kao bu me lia0..lolx..) told me the box we bought yesterday costed only $60! thankful to reach the shop to find it was a super bad version sold.. So if that bad thing cost 60.. then ours which is a multitude times better wont be surprising to cost 100+dollars.

ah goh called me.. tell me vj sold someone $265. haha then want to sell me his 2nd hand thing at $250. -.- say never use before. was so hard to talk.. cus he could hear me.. hai ya shld i buy the box from him? so ex.. then nicole say wanna buy.. lols.. i have money also think hard if wanna buy. he no money then just confirm wanna buy.. haha rich la.

so thinking. tmr i go get the eletric touch thingys then maybe see if better de box can improvise mah. can.then change liao can sell higher price. think put there no body wants de. its like.. maybe old ppl cant see la.. if not sure can see de.

k.. oh promised nicole to blog about him.. er er er...

k.. was on my bike la.. then i look at the mirror keep seeing him looking about then later the eyes grow so small.. like eye pain or something.. was wondering whats wrong.. then later i tot.. he was squinting! hahaha.. funny luhh. so at bishan mrt i pointed say thats bishan mrt.. then suddenly his eyes went small again.. then kena scolded by me.. lols.. ask him not to squint.. squinting is the number 1 reason why ppl eye sight worsen.. so dun wan him to later become blind ma.. hmm.. so nicole dun angry k? its guan xing ni de. (:

ok gdnite to you.. i'm off to do my work..

pressure rocks la.. super nice effect. shock like a few ppl lia0..

School tmr! must score during test.. ok bye.. studying now! (:

2009-10-05T00:16:00.003+08:00

The pride of man is the reason for his downfall.
The ego of man is the reason for his clouded views.

Today spent time with Nicole.. oh isnt she lovely? lols.. the thing about this name is that it's bigender.. so can say he or she :P

Went kenneth's then he was there again with his heavily gel hair. didn't get anything from him.. nicole and i saw decks, then moved to solo's. Solo's was great.. darn it you say.. wth is avriel typing! all the jargons.. k.. kenneth's solo's etc refer to owner names of the shops we went. haha..

Solo was like "hey how can i help you today" then can tell he wasnt that interested.. we must have disrupted his heavenly peace...period. nicole asked about this metoroid thingy.. 100+ dollars i think.. So costly.. k.. so we looked at decks again, saw some cool gadgets..then went off from the tranquil felt place.

had lunch.. ate number 8. nicole wanted number 10. -.-.. haha.. sorrie luHh. i know 10 is hong kong noodle but 8 is dunno whad thing.. *sudden change to poor english..

k.. so went VJ's alamak.. that guy forever closed dhe. there was this aged guy there.. was wondering if he aged due to waiting for vj to open shop. anyway.. we waited too.. goh, the aged man showed me a couple of his quite cool effects. Nicole tot he performed urgh.. i didn't felt he was good either. but it was entertaining.

practiced some flying stuff.. then goh seemed curious. i wonder what he knows.. gimmicked stuff? yeah. cus he seemed soo gimmicky.. everything about and on him were gimmicked.. including his face.. was a plastic sheet of .. k.. talking too much nonsense.. so gimmick was his name..

finally after WTHHHHHHHHHHHHH amt of time.. VJ let us in the shop to sell us this uber costly thingy... no exposure.. nicole's little baby? haha.. super good effect la.. k.. anyway.. sensed some form of lying occuring in the shop.. didn't like it.. but just got out then went towards betty!

Betty and alice in wonderland..haha reminds me.. T wonder full of wonder.. hahahha.. k.. imagine someone walks up to you and say.. Hi. i am Bond. James Bond. (from movie james bond)or i am martin. Ricky martin (from singer ricky martin) it sounds kinda cool.. but can you imagine someone who has such a longgggg.... funnyyyy.. starter phrase?

Hi i am Dick.. Dick the one that goes hard and soft. -.-""
hi i am alice.. alice wonder from wonder land.
hi i am kenneth.. kenneth wonder full of wonder.
hi i am peter.. peter pizza loves to eat pizza..-.-
hi i am jane.. jane the one who dance under the rain.
hi i am betty.. betty plus sign the one you see on batteries.
david blaine..the one who is lame.
these side names drive me crazy.. love to hear them.. haha..

k so went betty.. betty was was was.... *cries* closed! darn it.. must have been aunt alice la.. saying tired etc. haha.. always complain dhe.

k.. then no choice.. tired liao. go home. then webcasted.. chatty with little bro.. then he sleep.

then i bloggin.. then i wanna sleep le.. tmr habe school.. urgh.. tired life.

i need to find a bigger group. a bigger group who are able to spend time out and are good friends. (:

k.. Goh.. here i come! give me good price on the boxy.. hey i starting magic shop soon le.. i buying off everything limited.. muahahhaa...

nites world. i gonna play polly pockets now.. if not cant sleep.. hahaha

brand new and improved battle plan

2009-10-04T00:14:00.003+08:00

where is the above phrase from? (: guess..

anyway since his death.. life have been improving but still too much gloom remains in my heart. Just too heavy to fathom. Unseperable.. and news of all those lies just seeps in like acid in the soul. Why would humans of such possible kind soul do this? Why?

Today went out with kenneth after exam. Went to betty, then wand before an expensive dinner at shaw tower. there we chat about magic, coin magic, card magic, showed nicole 'behind your back' magic.

tmr must get ready balloon ask nicole show me pressure! then am going to create electric touch, then maybe gecko? its kinda close to raven i reckon'.

Then anyway was on bike towards yishun.. got so lost so many times. thank God nicole enjoyed the windy ride. Was like.. oh darn.. later get scolded for being so blur xD

Right.. list of things to cover as of today:
6 hours lesson
1 hour CS tutorial
2 hour 09 tutorial
4 hour 06 scilab
3 hour CS lab

monday:
09 tutorial
npcc meeting 1-2
09 lab 2-5

tuesday,wed, fri
tuition?

Alright. Night at the museum 2 just ended.. so gonna reside to disney land now.. happy sunday to all (:

worming your way childishly

2009-09-30T23:32:00.002+08:00

you took the lead,
asked for more,
got more,
enjoyed more.

then you'd have enough,
you left me alone,
walked off,
heard you no more.

weeks later more sin filled your heart,
ignorance lead to mischief,
you gather your guts,
trying to throw me off my studs.

But im telling you now
possible is non-existent
because the most of it leads to nothing.

Suppose you kill an ant.
The maximum you can do is to rub it till it disintegrates and vanishes from your physical eyes. But lo and behold nothing more. So dont waste your time.

scouting ahead in silence

2009-09-30T01:13:00.001+08:00

another blog. another life? is the old life gone?
am in the midst of so much exams.. bogged down so badly.
yet my greatest hurt remains.
losing my brother. Dead.. pronounced dead. after 15 years.

The songs of the living are the lamentations of the dead.

no new life can overcome the old.

I'll be uprooting old post from my old site to this. Recently realized the other site
is being tracked for legal authorities. Nothing to hide.
but who likes to live in a world centralized by selfish hounding people?

I am dead too.. no more am i who i was. The only thing left of me is my breath.

Listening to <Relucant Warrior (Burden Of Honor)> All my post will come with a line as such when i listen and write. So you can listen to it and sense the emotions behind each post.

unchanging path; whts your next move?

cant explain my feelings

I love you. I need confidence

it is never anything i do that matters
March 22 at 7:37pm

making a complex decision. (:March 27 at 6:13pm ·

master 75% hero 57% whoooooooooooooo.... (:

alll except 1 person... STOP CALLING ME ABT THOSE ISSUES...CUS I said NO, I WONT HELP (: Sorry but no.. i wont help (: Its too hard for HIMs to learn. I know one is in serious case... but yah... i wont help... One tip: SMILE...yeah i know its hard in your positions

To know the death of 'P' and the beginning of 'A' speaks beyond all walls. Only 1 knows and this shows. =]

turning sage mode. Going to retract everything. leave no stone unturned. too fast for one to respond. sorry (:

RELIEVED AT 1.22AM. Its a we all the time. ^^v

Wishing you could hold me and say the same words everyday... (:

after watching ninja videos like Naruto, i learn to run with my arms diagonally to my sides during sports day.

sometimes WE might seem all too strict on something. thru it all, WE know WE'RE doing all it is for US. All these time, WE'RE calculating and ensuring the darkness does not overwhelm US. haha... starting to realize that only the ones who should understand this message will understand it.

the second person you meet in heaven

could this be the first person you meet in heaven?

who is that girl i saw

A new site with so much happening

just for nicole

brand new and improved battle plan

worming your way childishly

scouting ahead in silence

unchanging path; whts your next move?

cant explain my feelings

I love you. I need confidence

it is never anything i do that mattersMarch 22 at 7:37pm

making a complex decision. (:March 27 at 6:13pm ·

master 75% hero 57% whoooooooooooooo.... (:

alll except 1 person... STOP CALLING ME ABT THOSE ISSUES...CUS I said NO, I WONT HELP (: Sorry but no.. i wont help (: Its too hard for HIMs to learn. I know one is in serious case... but yah... i wont help... *One tip: SMILE...yeah i know its hard in your positions *

To know the death of 'P' and the beginning of 'A' speaks beyond all walls. Only 1 knows and this shows. =]

turning sage mode. Going to retract everything. leave no stone unturned. too fast for one to respond. sorry (:

RELIEVED AT 1.22AM. Its a we all the time. ^^v

Wishing you could hold me and say the same words everyday... (:

after watching ninja videos like Naruto, i learn to run with my arms diagonally to my sides during sports day.

sometimes WE might seem all too strict on something. thru it all, WE know WE'RE doing all it is for US. All these time, WE'RE calculating and ensuring the darkness does not overwhelm US. haha... starting to realize that only the ones who should understand this message will understand it.

the second person you meet in heaven

could this be the first person you meet in heaven?

who is that girl i saw

A new site with so much happening

just for nicole

brand new and improved battle plan

worming your way childishly

scouting ahead in silence

it is never anything i do that matters
March 22 at 7:37pm

alll except 1 person... STOP CALLING ME ABT THOSE ISSUES...CUS I said NO, I WONT HELP (: Sorry but no.. i wont help (: Its too hard for HIMs to learn. I know one is in serious case... but yah... i wont help... One tip: SMILE...yeah i know its hard in your positions